wanderlust

Tag: fear

Lost

by thegoldparachute

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I feel so impossibly lost these days & I don’t know where to begin from.

My mind’s a mess, my heart’s a mess, & I really can’t seem to concentrate on anything. This is beginning to take a toll on me because it’s ongoing to week 5 of school & I still feel like a complete wreck.

It’s alright to act like everything’s okay, but sometimes I miss my dad so sorely it hurts so much inside. Times like these you learn to cry without shedding your tears, because these moments tend to hit at the most inopportune times in your life.

I feel like I’m living a damned life. It still hurts to see pictures of how everyone celebrated their 21st happily with their families, how they have family days still, and I never got to celebrate mine with Daddy. How could I when he was practically semi-conscious & battling life. God damn it, I shouldn’t even complaining about this, but I feel like my birthday’s damned & cursed for fuck’s sake.

Not ever gonna celebrate it again.

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Fear, Strength & Family

by thegoldparachute

Wherein fear lies, strength exists in little cracks, & you need only the courage & endeavour to let it grow

We’ll make this through

Scared

by thegoldparachute

I’m so sick of being strong. I am so scared, so so scared of so many things but I don’t know how to tell this to anyone. Somewhere along the way I’ve forgotten how to voice out my thoughts.

Antibiotics didn’t work for me. I just need it to go away, please just go away. I am so, so scared. I have no one to tell this to.

& I need my daddy to get well soon. It kills me to see him looking older & weaker now. We need something conclusive, & I really hope it’s nothing serious. I am so scared. He needs to get out of those hospital clothes because I can’t bear seeing him in them. What have I done to help him? What can I do for him?

It’s the last 2 weeks of school & all the deadlines, reports, presentations, individual quizzes are weighing so heavily on me at such an inopportune time. 

I feel like I have no control of my life anymore at this point in time.

I am so conflicted. I hate it when the mother goes crazy over stuff and vents it on us. Can’t she see that we are feeling the stress too? & that I have my own personal problems to worry about? Then again, I admire her so much for her mental tenacity and strength.

Please grant me the strength that I need so badly. I’ve forgotten how to be strong.