wanderlust

Month: March, 2013

by Thought Catalog

Thought Catalog

You will fall in love with someone who annoys you, whose orgasm face looks and feels pathetic. Despite all of this, there’s something keeping you drawn to them, something that makes you want to protect them from the harsh world. What you fail to realize, however, is that you are the harsh world. You aren’t their noble protector — you are someone to be protected from but it takes a lot of dates, a lot of nights where you question whether or not you are actually a good person, for this to ever resonate with you. When it’s over and whatever love is left is put back in the fridge like a sad plate of leftovers, you will finally understand that you have the power to hurt someone. You can either hurt them or love them and it’s up to you to decide what kind of role you would like…

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Tradeoffs

by thegoldparachute

“You can’t remember the last time you did something that scared you or put yourself there so you could get hurt. You have a protective shell so people can’t cause you pain anymore. You’re realizing, however, that by protecting yourself from hurt, you’re also closing yourself off to love. The two go hand in hand obviously. Can’t have the ecstasy without the agony.”

Perspective

by thegoldparachute

Because it’s a saturday morning, I’ve taken the liberty to spend some good time alone today (to attempt to finish up the insane amount of undone work that’s giving me a hell lot of stress).

So I’m sitting alone at a Starbucks outlet that’s too dimly lit for its own good, listening to Les Miserables, typing on my Macbook while trying to curb a very slight feeling of nausea. Feeling extremely fat in my jeans today as well.

This journal’s probably excessively overwhelmed with too much angst & melancholy, but like yeah, who has time to be moaning on online posts when they’re having the time of their lives right.

Within the past half an hour, I’ve felt that sudden urge to start crying and tearing for no rhyme or reason. I’ve been trying to console my friends who have their own monsters to fight, and sometimes I feel really sad that there’s too impossibly much to face in life. I know everyone has different thresholds for hardships and pain, but sometimes I feel like there really is no one I can relate to. Within the past 3 months, I’ve had my father disappear from my life forever, done an operation for the first time in my life, felt extremely worthless, faced multiple domestic issues and problems, and everyday I’m constantly feeling unloved and things like that. I don’t want to be pathetic, I hate to be pathetic, and I don’t tell any of my friends this because I believe I can fight all these away myself. If you don’t help yourself, nobody’s gonna be able to fucking help you because you are your own soldier, your own enemy, your own balm and your own poison.

There may be storms we cannot weather in our glorious lives as humans, but we can take comfort if we know we have tried our best.

I don’t know where my life is heading & these days, I’m unable to control myself emotionally and stop myself from being horribly distracted. It feels like I can’t pick myself up anymore – my table’s messy, my academic life in a mess currently, and I feel so ugly.

How are you capable of loving someone else if you are unable to love yourself?