Ephemeral

by thegoldparachute

Mmmm. It’s that kind of positive feeling you get when you read about something that inspires you. Something that invigorates you & makes you want to become a better person. Funny how just reading the daily crunch of someone’s life can invoke such feelings in me.

I always have this kind of strange days where I decide to take control of my life all over again. It’s a recurring cycle – I get this empowering feeling (usually when I finally drop 1 pound or something), then I lose it maybe about 1.5 weeks later (usually when I check the weighing scale & realize it’s gone up after going down), then I try to pick myself up again. I mean, life is whole lot more about other things but recently, I’ve let the weighing scale decide my moods. 

It’s unhealthy. I should stop doing this to myself, sigh. Makes me wonder if I’ll finally be happy after losing even more weight. I don’t think I’ll ever be happy, though, because you can never be fully satisfied with yourself.

I mean, I do derive happiness along the way from other small little things in life every day. It’s that my mind is continuously fixated about certain stuffs & sometimes I just don’t get enough will or determination to do it. Not gonna tell myself that it’s being weak though. At least I do try.

Mmmm. Finals for the semester are coming up ahead & I’m not gonna force myself to run/exercise like mad/do crunches every day or that sort. Mentally draining if you ask me. (yes it is when you’re counting calories for every meal or fighting mental battles when choosing what to get for dinner/snack/drinks)

Just wanna curl up in bed with a good book and soak in some sunshine & happiness. I’m looking forward to the summer holidays (: I hope it’ll be good.

Advertisements