wanderlust

Month: January, 2012

It’s only been a week!

by thegoldparachute

Has only been like, around 8-9 days since I posted here & it already feels like forever since I’ve stepped here!

Anyway, Chinese New Year has since passed, Happy CNY!! :D Had a long weekend of about 4 days from Saturday-Tuesday because of the new year! I hope this will be an eventful, rewarding and special year for my family, and that everyone stays healthy, strong & happy :) I could never ask for more than that.

I can’t really remember the series of events that occurred over the past week. All I can remember is I felt really excited getting to wear new clothes! And  yeah like always, during CNY, you meet relatives that you only see and talk to once a year. So my cousins (those I’m really not close to, they’re like 40++ years old already) told me that I look really different. They said I was alot prettier, slimmer (though I’m still fat), like woah grow up already. It’s all in the eyeliner lol. Just wear eyeliner and immediately a person looks alot better/more awake. I have to admit that it felt pretty good because honestly, I haven’t forgotten the nasty words the very same person said like, 3-4 years ago? Now they’re speaking a completely different tune. Will never forget how biting and hurtful it was back then. Anyway. We went to watch Jack & Jill the movie at night! Twins are so wonderful, I’ve always imagined how it’d be like to have someone who looks exactly like you but can behave completely different!

Oh & on Friday, I went for an internship interview at Butterflies & Cake, a very successful wedding/events provider in Singapore. The owner of the place was a really intelligent man, and the way he spoke at first seriously scared me. He asked me a pretty stressful question. “From the marketing point of view, what do Singaporeans pay for? If you get this right, I’ll give the job to you. Only 1 other girl out of the other 4-5 today got it correct.” Omg, at that time I suddenly felt dizzy because he kept droning on about other stuff before that & poof! A sudden question. The answer was escapism, by the way. I mean, how the hell will you even think of that in that kind of setting?! I said, Singaporeans pay for face (implied from certain ambiguous examples he gave), and he said I wasn’t far off so yeah. He talked to me for a total of 1.5 hours in total & I concluded that him & his wife are so, so successful. And rich. I got the part time internship job by the way, but I really don’t know if I should go ahead with it because my parents are telling me that I’d need to do deals/sales and right now I should be concentrating on my studies first.

I’m in such a dilemma, really. I wanted a more desk-based job so that I could juggle my studies at the same time, but then again you don’t learn as much from those practical-based duties in comparison. Technically, doing this will greatly benefit me, but the modules this semester really suck & it’s going to take a bit of effort trying to do better for it all. I really don’t know if I’m up to this. If I can secure myself a summer internship then I won’t do this….

& I still don’t know if I’d rather do a summer internship or go for a summer program! :( Still feeling bad about the fact that I didn’t get any offer for student exchange because of my really stupid ranking of choices. Sucks especially when you hear about freshies with an even more cui CAP getting the Canadian universities. WHY AM I SO STUPID.

Anyway, last night I went out with Tiffany Cassandra & Cindy for Korean BBQ at CHIJMES! The Seoul BBQ Restaurant that all the kpop stars keep going to whenever they’re here, AKA the place where we saw SHINee at the lift. Epic memorable encounter, that one :D The service was really really good, and the waitresses/waiters/owners were mostly authentic Koreans! Which is pretty hard to find in Singapore :D The food was really, really expensive though. & I don’t like bbq-ed pork, there’s just too much fat hahaha. Had a great night with the girls :) Still find it so precious that we became such good friends just because we were in the same dance class for Lucifer at CJ!

Oh & I went for my first dance lesson at Dance Factory yesterday. It was supposed to be a beginner class, and now I finally understand why I need to go for the Introduction class there. The classes there are so, super technical. Very, very different from the ones I had taken at Studio Wu & CJ. Didn’t exactly enjoy myself because the class was finishing up the choreo they had learnt for the past 3 weeks, & I freaking attempted a full scorpion. To be honest, he didn’t exactly ‘teach’ it properly that lesson so I was pretty clueless, but then again maybe he had taught them before so I’m not too sure. Kinda regretted joining the dance class, but I’m going for the Intro to Hiphop & Kpop one from next week! The ones at Studio Wu were really fun though – a little of the technical stuff plus awesome fun choreography so you don’t get too sick of the lesson. It’s more expensive & further away though :( Le sigh! The only plus side is that it gave the final push for me to get a muscle ache after some strength training. Feels good, heh.

Had a pretty productive morning (for 2 hours only, HAHA) finally catching up with someeee school work. I HAVE SO MUCH MORE WORK LEFT TO DO PLEASE KILL ME

Regrets

by thegoldparachute

Every school semester I find myself feeling really upset and heavily disappointed with something. I need to get over this.

Disappointments.

by thegoldparachute

My life has been nothing short of disappointments. I feel so upset that I didnt get offered a place at exchange because of my poor ranking of choices. Plus results of course. And someone said something to me today which is supposed to be nice, she supposed. It kind of hurt me though and I just, I don’t even. It’s just been a really bad day. Lol. I’m afraid of disappointing but I’ve had my own fair share of disappointments as well. Everything hasn’t been going too smoothly for me these days. I want to cry but I can’t and I shouldn’t right? Family issues, being lonely, studies sucking, singing voice turning nasal. It’s just bad. Really bad.

Escapist Mentality

by thegoldparachute

I feel really, really tired these days for no rhyme or reason. I just wanna sleep away my entire night/morning, the afternoons aren’t too bad though. Think I’m having some escapist inclinations or something. Y’know, just like how it is when people do not want to face up to whatever things are, so they try to put themselves in a state where they are away or unconscious from it all. Need to gear myself up and make it go away as soon as possible. Need to be ready to fight the new school semester.

Honestly honestly wished I had been brave enough & decided to go ahead & take a gap semester. School really, really sucks. The modules, the lecturers, the people. Taking a 6 month-break & doing an internship would’ve been more ideal.

Was supposed to go clubbing tonight! Failed, however. Tiff & I, either one of us, will just happen to have mumsy issues that night & we’d have to call it off. Slightly disappointed, but I totally understand her plight. Guess this means more rest considering I have 2 lectures from 9am-1pm tomorrow. Kind of miss clubbing without inhibitions.

I’ve officially decided that I do not like clubbing at Zouk. People will probably think I’m nuts because it’s supposed to be The Nus Hangout, but that’s exactly the reason why I dislike it. Anything goes wrong & there’re a million eyes watching you. Everybody would know. Besides, it’s not funny when people you meet at awkward situations there end up in your classes & all. It’s just, awkward! Please let it stop happening to me. 2nd time already, I swear!

Why are my eyes so tired already! & I really hate DSC. I hate Business Analytics, statistics, whatever. I need someone to tutor me/give me motivation for this stupid module :(

Weekend

by thegoldparachute

It was a pretty eventful weekend! Since Friday was a free day, I went out with Pei Jun to Far East to do our hair! Finally did the moisturizing hair treatment & I hope it lasts. This lady & another guy did it for me, their service was honestly pretty good! We went to Signature after scouting around level 5 ‘cos it looked most promising and I guess it was! Pei Jun’s hair dye job turned out really good & the treatment was included in the package as well. Anyway, the guy blow dried my hair so nicely, I wish I had someone to do that for me everyday! He had green funky hair & the lady had such nice curls hahaha, was wondering if they spent alot of time doing up their hair each day.

After some shopping around, I went with her to Teo Heng to join her church friends for Teo Heng for a while since I was only meeting Vui & Vivian later. It was pretty awkward but I’ve kind of seen most of them before somehow or another so it was actually much better than I thought. Still find it very funny that we both know Yongyi hahaha.

Finally went to meet Vui & Vivian at NEX for dinner! I MISS VUI SO MUCH! That retard who always does stupid things and still types in uppercase lowercase even though she’s currently pursuing a medical degree at IMU. It was such a happy happy dinner together, really felt like it was quality time spent with friends. I kept messing up during my dinner though, must be the Vui effect or something because I swear I don’t ever do that. Hehehe.

Had class gathering on Saturday the next day! It was supposed to be Yongyi & JT’s farewell party cos they’re leaving overseas for their studies. So yes, I met Vui & Vivian again HAHA :D We took loadssss of photos together, major spam man. Should’ve brought out the proper camera so our pictures won’t be so pixelated! The iPhone front camera is reallyyy  bad under dim lighting. Anyway, we made our own dinner with Yongyi being the master chef, it was pretty fun!  Vui & I rolled the meatballs but they were of unequal size so we had to redo after the master chef’s quality control. Oh & I forgot to mention about Vivian’s Hello Kitty bag, major win. It’s so, her. Couldn’t stop omg-ing hahaha. Oh then Yanzhu & Sheryl came! :D Was so happy that night because so many of my favourite girls were there. (Y) Zhuzhu kept touching me that night for some reason, tsk tsk :D & then Debby came later on!!! :D Omg, that night I was like how happy. Never realized that I’d actually miss the JC class but somehow that night, I really did. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this way about s31 before, strange. Went home feeling really satisfied & wished the night didn’t have to end.

Okay, I feel abit silly narrating these stuff here like it’s still secondary school times. No wonder I’ve always felt that ‘blogging’ is like a childish thing. I wanna preserve the memories here though, so yeah!

Today’s a self-proclaimed free day (monday!) hahaha. Really not looking forward to marketing seminar tomorrow.

When you start feeling like that

by thegoldparachute

Emotionally available. Unoccupied. Unconfused. Available. -convinces self. Why is this so hard? Or maybe I’m just overthinking my own thoughts.

Absence

by thegoldparachute

So yeah I went to see the doctor yesterday & thankfully, it wasn’t anything too serious considering the pains/nausea that I’ve been feeling. He put me on a course of antibiotics & oh my god, he diagnosed it so quickly that I was doubtful of it. Went to google it & it seems correct though!

Missed my first lecture of the semester yesterday because it was at 9am. Way too early, & I decided that seeing a doctor was more necessary than travelling for a total of 3hours + to & fro just for a 1.5 hour lesson. It’s the start of the sem & I’m lagging already, great. Ah well. Please grant me more discipline this sem!

Went to run yesterday! I’m not supposed to do anything to overexert myself but I guess running should be fine. Wondering if I should go again later before my class at 3pm. It’s so hard dragging my ass out these days.

My sister bought apples for me last night ^^ So cute right, hehehe. She was having her CCA tryouts & after her long day, she went to the supermarket just to get apples ‘cos she remembered that the night before, I was looking for apples. Coincidentally, I bought apples earlier in the day & now we have 10 apples at home. Hee happiness ^^

Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but also withered. Maybe I should move on. It’s time for me to move on to someone else. I don’t know why I’m always like that, clinging on to things, people & issues of the past. & once my heart gets hooked it’s just so difficult to let go no matter how insignificant it may have been initially. Just gotta always remember those quotes that I see from time to time on Tumblr. Half the time, we’re pining for people who wouldn’t even give more than just a care for us.

False alarms and false starts / All made better by the sound of your heart / All the pain of the last time / I prayed so hard it was the last time

Genting Trip! & the last night before school starts again.

by thegoldparachute

Since it’s the start of the new year, I’ve decided I should try recording down the various events for memory’s sake in this new space. Re-reading them later on months down the road will remind me of the excitement & happiness I felt when those incidents occurred. Anyway, I’ve been feeling really horrid these days, the pain in my stomache & lower region has been working up & I feel nauseous. I don’t know if it’s because I went on the Genting trip without recovering fully, or it’s something serious. I pray that it’s not something serious like an infection because I really want to be well. I do take care of my diet & all recently, try not to skip meals at all or my gastric will act up like a bitch. You see, it’s so hard trying to keep to my losing weight plans & exercise like crazy when I’m having pains like that. Going to go see the doctor tomorrow after my first lecture this semester! Pray pray that I’ll be fine.

Shall continue describing about the 3D2N Genting trip that I went on with the JC 08s31 friends! Vivian, Yongyi, Ivan & I were so spontaneous, I’m actually pretty surprised that the trip materialized. Initially thought that the trip would be highly awkward because it’s not like the 4 of us usually hung around in school together, but it was much much better than Vivian & I expected :) It was really, really fun, hope they thoroughly enjoyed themselves too! We did almost everything there was to do there – Karaoke, Haunted House Adventure, Ripley’s Believe it or Not, Outdoor & Indoor Theme Parks (I conquered the Flying Coaster & overcame my fear of heights!), Go Karting, Archery, Bowling, Temporary airbrushed tattoos (it’s still on my back after 4 days!), & Movie! Love Vivian man, she’s always willing to do spontaneous, unnecessary stuff with me like the temporary tattoo. We almost decided to get another one hehe.

I’ve always wanted to go for the Haunted House Adventure because I’ve never gone for it before despite having gone to Genting several times with my family already. Vivian was too afraid to go, so I went with the other 2 guys & like always, it was damn hilarious when we all became so chicken neh neh & were damn scared. We walked in the choo-choo train style with our hands on the back of the person in front, so I could feel it when Yongyi’s hands were trembling! Still can’t stop laughing whenever I think back about it. He described it as “wah no more pride already” but actually it’s nothing much right, anyone will be scared by the people jumping out to touch & scare us from time to time! Archery was also alot more fun than I remembered previously in secondary 2, I have no idea why! Maybe because the weather there is so awesome that it makes you enjoy whatever you’re doing.

Oh, & I learnt 2 new card games! The Angry Birds card game & The Game of Life card game. The Angry Birds one was really fun even though I kept losing on the first night! I’ve only won once, hahahaha. You’re supposed to clear your 6 bird cards by rolling the dice, and then you get a chance to shoot the standing pig with a dice from a distance away. On the 2nd night, Ivan cursed the pig or something because the rest of the 3 of us still couldn’t hit it down even after 9 tries. Seriously a damn hilarious game hahaha.

All in all, the trip was really fun & it was the first time I did such minimal shopping in Genting. Wish I could have a litttllleee more time to shop though, realized that I had quite a few stuff I wanted to look at since their clothes were on sale. Gave it up in the end ‘cos it was too much of a hassle! The trip back to Singapore was really comfortable on Grassland’s royal VIP coach hahaha. Quoting my friends, it’s “living like a king” on the bus man. Was kind of upset that the trip ended so quickly. Escapism mentality on again.

Sigh, tonight’s the last night of my holidays before another crazy, torturous 4 months of school. Thinking about how I slogged through certain parts of the previous semesters kind of gives me the chills already. It is just so stressful at times. Joyce & Yiwei are away on exchange & I’m pretty sure I’m going to feel an infinite times more lonely without them.

I want to be strong. I want to exercise tomorrow. Let me be well.

Goodnight everybody :)

Where are the answers?

by thegoldparachute

Why is it so hard for me to love someone? & for me to be loved as well? I wish I could be a better person.

One moment

by thegoldparachute

Sometimes, all it takes is one special specific moment in your life to change it entirely. It could happen haphazardly (or neatly, even). It could be a conscious realization or an unconscious bud growing at the back of your head, slowly feeding itself into your thoughts in & out. It could be something you have waited for and wanted your entire life, but it could also be the worst nightmare of your life, one you’d die to wake up from immediately but can’t. All it takes really, in many life-changing situations, is just a moment.

So since this is the first post in this fresh breath of space, I shall keep it to something more light-hearted. Let’s talk about Love, shall we?

What exactly is Love all about? I’d like to think that it happens in a Moment. I know many out there would beg to differ, saying that love is built over time & things along that line. I wouldn’t fight that at all since I’ve close to zero experience in actually being in that situation – yes, I’ve never loved anyone for that matter, not anyone unrelated to me by blood that is. Neither do I know anyone who has loved me in that way, I guess.

Well, anyway, my theory is that well, even if love is ‘built’ over a period of time, throughout that entire period, you probably might not have realized that you possibly love that person, right? Until that Moment comes along and plants an idea inside your head – that you might love that person more than anything else, that you’d be willing to give up everything in this world just for that person to love you back the same way, and that you’d fight the world for that person  so long as the words fall from their lips.

I’d like to distinguish between Like & Love, just to make my thoughts clearer about The Moment. To me, when you like a person, this is immensely different because “like” is definitely something that can be built gradually through time or even actions. ‘Like’ is when you feel positive vibes about something the person is doing, whether it’s his or her character, the way they dress, or the way they trip cutely over what they’re saying the moment their eyes catch yours. Liking something is usually a conscious realization and people are usually fully aware whenever they feel like for something. ‘Love’ however, it’s just different. You may like something heavily, obsessively and crazily, but you may not love it.

Love is selfish, but it’s also being unselfish. This sort of line sounds familiar, does it? I figure you can’t exactly say the same if you’re talking about something you like. Probably because love has a tinge of possessiveness to it I guess. I’ve never felt it before, but I think love occurs when you’ve liked someone for really long, and then one day it suddenly hits you that you’d be willing to fight against anything just to embrace that person wholly for what that person is. A genuine willingness to welcome & appreciate everything that person offers, everything and anything good or bad.

I hope that I’d experience a genuine One Moment some time soon because I’ve decided that I need to stop holding myself back. I don’t really come clean entirely with anyone about this (which is why this space is now so precious), but I’m really, really afraid to love. I just cannot imagine myself being so comfortable with someone else and just feeling secure enough to be how I want to be. I cannot imagine someone else loving me the way I am. I’ve imagined this inside my head and always end up playing out the typical scene where I’m just worrying whether I’d be doing anything that could possibly make the person un-love me, to see that I’m just really so, undeserving beneath it all. I’m so insecure that I’d never let my heart be placed on a silver platter out there for anyone to break it. Even if I like that person. This explains why I’ve never came close to actually loving someone else too, for that matter.

You know what they say about you having to love yourself before you’re ready to love someone else? It’s absolutely 100% fucking true.

My thoughts are getting really muddled & I don’t think I can continue anymore. It’s 2:42 am right now & I’ve been running a cold for days. Think I’m going to catch some sleep.